"I don't really...spar."

((NOTE: takes place prior to Tom's entry into WITSEC))

“Come on in, Tony...have a seat.”

Anthony Venomecci walked into the interrogation room and slid into a chair, gazing around with a combination of interest and fear. He wasn’t a perp...he was here of his own free will, and yet he still felt a little aprehensive.

“It’s okay, son.” Detective Barry Gordon assured him as he took a seat on the table. “Remember, you’re not under arrest. Besides, if you’re gonna sign on? You should get used to these rooms.”

Smiling, he nodded slightly. Was it wrong to feel a *tiny* bit of excitement about that, a little bit of pride in what he was becoming?? In just a few weeks, he’d be training to work in these rooms. He’d be wearing that badge, and he’d be making a difference where it really counted.

“I’m pretty excited.” he admitted, folding his arms and leaning back in his seat. “The guys who work the beat in my neighborhood been sayin’ that I should watch out for The Bull.”

Gordon laughed, nodding. “Oh, yeah. Bullworth...he’ll make your life a living hell during your physical exam if you’re not careful.”

Anthony nodded again, sobering slowly. “So...you gonna record this, or just listen before I fill out a written statement?”

“Studying up, I see...that’s why we’re in here. Detective Coleman is in the viewing room, recording now...room’s miked and being videotaped. Just...say your piece, son.”

He nodded, rubbing his hands over his face as he tried to gather his courage. This felt wrong...it felt *wrong.* Not just what he’d heard, but what it meant. If he was right...if it wasn’t just a conversation he’d misunderstood, then it meant the two men who had given him a hand in starting things fresh were criminals.

It felt like a betrayal of their trust, being here...but they had betrayed him first, simply by masking their intentions. It might even be dangerous, talking about what he knew...

But he was done making a mess of things. It was time to do the right thing.

Taking a deep breath, he nodded. “Okay...it started two nights ago at work. I do stockroom stuff at Outrigger Sports, and I was opening a shipment of parkas when I heard the owners talking. They mentioned something about a Project Sidewinder and Credit Dauphine...we do our banking through them...but then I got kinda suspicious when I heard one of them start talking about money laundering...”

Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 414

That’s kind of a hard question...am I religious. I mean...define religious. It’s all really a matter of perspective, if you look at it. Devotion of a religious sort has all kinds of shapes and sizes.

Am I a devout or practicing member of a church? No, I’m not. I was raised Roman Catholic and all, but in some respects I consider myself lucky that I ditched that cold early on in life. In other ways...I still wish I had the faith, you know? Catholics may have the market cornered on guilt, but the ones that really believe, and I don’t mean the zealots...I’m talkin’ more the little old ladies in the back pew with their veils...they have peace. Confidence...they *know* it’s all worthwhile because the check they have to cash after they die is *real.*

But if you’re asking me if I’m spiritual? Absolutely. You might call me something of a loose agnostic, if I didn’t have a few set ideas about the Powers That Be. I believe in God and all...I believe if I talk, he’ll listen. I believe if I’m a good, moral person, he won’t freaking strike me dead with head cancer or something before I’m ready to go.

But do I believe that I’m damned if I say the wrong prayers or spend Sundays in the wrong place? Fuck no. I don’t buy into dogma...the only reason I even believe in God is because of what I do for a living, and who I’m with.

When you’ve come so close to death as often as I have, and then meet a woman like Rachel Gibson? The *only* explanation is divine intervention.

Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 283

I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I’m not proud of...things that, if I had it to do over again, I might have done differently. I’m not sure if I would have changed the outcome, though...not really. It’s the nature of the beast, I guess...the situation I’m in.

You see...I have the unique, and I suppose dubious blessing of being in a place where all the biggest fuck ups of my life led to one enormously, fantastically great thing that I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t messed up, screwed up, and generally gotten shit on for most of my formative years.

I wouldn’t be here in the Agency if I hadn’t made a few bad choices as a kid...and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I wouldn’t have Rachel if my life weren’t a walking disaster area. It’s as plain as that. Simple. Rachel is my one fantastic thing, and if you gotta suffer to get someone like that in your life...then I’m good.

Still...I think I might have done one *tiny* thing differently, looking back and knowing what I do now.

Prague...Rachel’s first time going into the field, going back to The Shed with Sydney in her ear and me as her backup.

When I lit Peyton’s cigarette...I’d have flirted with Rachel instead.

Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 228

( He was marrying one stubborn woman, that was for damn sure. )

Muse: Tom Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 552

[WITSEC clearance required to read]

Sometimes I think that *I’m* the polar opposite...being what I am. That maybe the man I am now is the opposite of the man I was gonna be before he died in an explosion.

I think about it on occasion...I wonder if Anthony Venomecci would have joined the CIA, or done any of the stuff that I have. Then I eventually decide that he wouldn’t have. He wouldn’t join the CIA on a freakin’ bet, and lemme tell ya...there’s not a lot that Tony Venomecci *wouldn’t* have done on a bet.

Tom Grace? Just as willing...but a little more careful.

If Tony had lived? He’d probably be a detective with the Willingboro PD by now...or if he was feeling ambitious? The Jersey Sherrif’s Department, or maybe Jersey Highway Patrol. He’d be married to Christine Deseas with at least one kid, maybe another on the way. He’d have perfect credit, a spotless work record...a lot of commendations and a lot of friends.

He would think that he was grateful for his good fortune, that he knew just how great his blessings were...but he’d be wrong.

Tony would be content...complacent. He’d never venture further than his hometown except on vacations, and then he’d never get further than New York or Maine. He’d be fine where he was, and he’d never want to see more of the world. He’d be happy as an honest, respectable man, and he’d never want to push the envelope.

Tony would think the perfect kids and the cookie cutter wife were the pinnacle. He never would have gone for the timid, golden girl computer geek with just a little touch of darkness in her.

If Tony Venomecci had survived, he’d be a man that never learned how close a friend pain can be...and how it can make life so much richer than it is for other people.

So I guess that’s my polar opposite...the happy homebody, the FATHER KNOWS BEST family man. They guy who’s never hungry for something deeper, something more intense...

They guy who’s happy with the horizon instead of shooting at the moon.

Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: Alias
Words: 356

( Destiny...that`s kind of a thorny question... )

Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 688

[locked from anyone without WITSEC clearance]

I don’t just believe in second chances...I’ve lived through more than a few. I’ve seen other people get them...I guess it’s a side effect of our business: you change faces so often and so many times that second chances lose a little of their luster. They just become another day at the office.

I try not to look at them that way, though. Regardless of how routine miracles can become when your day to day business is life, death, and the freedom of a nation, there are still moments that surpass even the expected wonders can become something precious. I mean...I’ve read the files about a lot of the agents working in my unit, and their stories are enough to curl your hair. Sydney Bristow’s missing two years, Flinkman’s abduction in connection to SD-6's Echelon project...hell, the whole mess with Agent Vaugh.

Then there’s the stuff I lived through, and I don’t mean my own personal bullshit. I watched a dead woman rise from the ashes to find happiness. I was there for the rescue...right alongside another woman I stood by as she tried to make a new life for herself when she realized that the old one was a lie. Love you, Rachel.

Nadia and Rachel are both examples of what second chances are all about...and how far they can really go. For Nadia, it literally gave her her life back. Without the circumstances she suffered through, she’d never have lived to get to where she’s at right now, and from the looks of it? She’s pretty damn happy.

And Rachel? Well...if I hadn’t pulled her out of the rubble in a ruined building, she never would have pulled me out of the LA subway tunnels that collapsed when that bomb went off.

The CIA gave her a second chance...and she gave me a third.

And in case I didn’t mention it, I love her like crazy.

[/locked]

Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 329

[locked to those without WITSEC clearance]

My life has never been a peaceful one. I raised all kinds of hell when I was a kid, for any number of reasons. I even got into trouble with the law, yeah, but never too much to get me barred from the Academy, know what I mean? Then I get the wrong summer job, and it ends up costing me everything.

I’ve been up and I’ve been down...I’ve been all over the world and back again. I lived, I loved...I died, I lost, I did everything. I endured a lot of shit and I came to learn that it’s all part of living in general. Life’s a pretty terrifying roller coaster ride with no way out except through death or an end to the solitude.

That’s when Rachel came along.

I only wish to God that I’d met her a few years earlier. I went through some dark times after my wife died...if I’d known Rachel back then, maybe if I’d met her before I met my wife...things could’ve been different. Maybe Rachel would have survived that shooter, gotten away or seen danger coming. I mean, we’re trained for this stuff.

My life has never been a happy one, but with her? I tend to look at it as more of a blessing than a curse. And as of late, I’ve come to realize just how quickly that life can end.

Which is why I intend to enjoy it...hang onto it as long as I can.

Live it the way I want...with *who* I want.

And you can take that however you’d like.

( No Easy Way Out by Wayne Kramer )


Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 269

I couldn’t live without Rachel Gibson, and that’s pretty damn literal…reason being she saved my life and all.

It’s not something I can get into, but that’s a pretty clear-cut summary of the situation…my ass was on the line. She saved it. Next case. But, I suppose if you want to do more than scratch the surface, Rachel’s become even more important than that. She did more than save my ass, she’s taught me a lot about life in general…made me learn to appreciate it, I guess.

I’m not exactly a fun guy…never have been, much anyway. Then I met Rachel…to be blunt, she’s kind of a dork. But I don’t mean that in a bad way and I’m not saying that just to stop her from smacking me later.…she’s nine kinds of quirky, ten kinds of goofy, and most of the time she’s not even totally aware of it. And I think that’s incredible…that she can wear qualities like that so well, and be more attractive because of them. Even when she’s awkward or uncertain, she shines, and she encourages it in other people.

I worked Special Forces for years. I’ve stared death in the face more than once…and I’ll be the first to admit, I’m afraid of looking like a fool. She’s not, she never is…no matter how much she protests to the contrary. It’s a brand of fearlessness that doesn’t get enough praise, in my opinion…and I both respect and love her for it. She makes me do crazy stuff, and *want* to do crazy stuff…I say stupid shit around her. I do goofy things…and she makes it okay. It’s a gift, the kind of freedom I have around her, because with Rachel…being goofy or crazy *isn’t* being goofy or crazy. It’s just…being alive, and enjoying it, you know what I mean?

Rachel saved my life…but I’ll tell you right now, my life wouldn’t be worth as much to me if she wasn’t in it. And you can take that straight to the bank.

Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 337

[locked from all those without APO security clearance]

When I was a kid I used to have this dream I was being chased. Running through the streets of my hometown, there’d be something on my tail. I could never look back to see it...to be sure...the fear of whatever was stalking me was just too paralyzing, too intense. I could just...feel it behind me. A splash of a footfall against wet pavement, a soft gasp of air from my back...it was all I had to know that I was running from something, and I was sure that if it caught me, I’d be worse than dead.

I started having that dream when I was really little...six years old, maybe. Always scared the shit out of me, because I didn’t know what was after me. I stopped having the dream, of course...but life goes on, shit happens, and you think about things. You evaluate your life, and you wonder if you could have done things different, the usual bullshit.

You look back at things you saw and heard...things you did...and you wonder if you could have avoided things by paying a bit more attention.

I sometimes find myself wondering if that dream wasn’t some kind of foreshadowing...if things would have been different if I’d listened, avoided certain things.

I used to have regrets, thinking stuff like that...until I started working my latest assignment here at APO. Being here...meeting people like Rachel Gibson...*especially* Rachel Gibson...it’s done a lot to change my thinking. I always believed somewhere deep down that if I stopped mourning the past, I’d forget it...I’d be turning my back on who I was...who I used to be.

Rachel made me realize I was wrong...it’s ‘cause of her I’m still here, and it’s ‘cause of her I realize that there’s nothing wrong with turning away from the past. It just means you’re looking in another direction. If you’re smart, you’re looking to the future...and if you’re lucky, you’re looking around at the present because it’s something worth paying attention to.

The future’s all well and good...but with Rachel here, I think the here and now is a little more appealing.

[/locked]

Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 368