fandom_muses: Talk about losing control.

[idontreallyspar]

I didn’t start out like this...lone wolf, broody guy, I know what they say behind my back. I also know what they say to my face, too. Anyway...people don’t want me here. They know I don’t play nice with others, and I’m not the kind of kid in the sandbox that ever learned to share my toys or go home when I was told.

Accepting the APO assignment...that was a loss of control.

In this business, you can’t afford to put down any kind of real roots in the workplace. You get chummy with a co worker, eventually they’re gonna end up dead. Happened to me on my first mission...I was partnered up with a guy named Felipe. Good fella...we didn’t get close, but we got chummy. He was a smartass, not to mention stubborn...I liked him immediately.

We both headed out to Chile to intercept some intelligence being delivered to a terrorist organization based out of there...I was the only one who came back.

It’s all on me, I know it...I take things too seriously, too personally. Loyalty is a big problem for me...I got too much of it. Losing Felipe on that assignment hit me real hard, I admit it.

My performance started to slip, so I made some changes. I put Felipe behind me and trained. Hard. Made myself a prime candidate for any deep cover mission I could find, and requested them when they weren’t offered. No team...no loss. I put my loyalty someplace safe...right with Number One.

Now, there were two things wrong with this picture. One, you can’t change who you are. No matter how hard you try, you can’t change what lives at your core. Like water...you can’t take out the oxygen or the hydrogen and still have H20. Second...all that being said, I have a tendency to get bored.

By the time Jack Bristow found me in that bar, getting my ass kicked, I’d been sick of my job for a good year and a half. I always prided myself on discipline...I was sure something better would come along, though, and my interest would be renewed.

I should have known better...I liked Jack Bristow from minute one. And because I liked him, because I was getting bored, I got sloppy and I agreed to sign on.

Most people around here don’t like me...I don’t like a handful of them, but the rest? The rest I can deal with.

[locked]

I like just about everybody here...they don’t take any bullshit, and they’re good at what they do. Jack’s one, Sydney and Rachel are a couple others. They’re ballsy chicks, even Gibson...whether or not she’s cut out for the field, she’s busting her ass to make sure she doesn’t let anybody down. I respect that, and I also respect the way Sydney looks out for her. I heard about her fiancee...if she were my girl? I’d be damn proud, that’s all I’m saying.

[/locked]

I can’t change overnight...but now that I got myself into this, I’m gonna stick with it...and hope I can get my job done without getting tangled up in here. But even now, I feel myself slipping...too much loyalty. Too much goddamn loyalty, and it’s starting to spread pretty thick already.

At this rate? I think I’m pretty much screwed.

Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: Alias
Words: 567

Comments

[ex-my-strapp526.livejournal.com]

Hey, I don't expect you to change you know. I mean if you did then who would save my ass all the time right?

You aren't screwed either, and loyalty doesn't have to be a bad thing. I have been loyal to my fabric softener for going on twelve years now, and so far? I still smell nice.

[idontspar.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, the worst thing that happens in a case like that? The company that makes it goes out of business, and you gotta look for a new way to get that spring fresh scent in your sheets. Doesn't work quite that way with people, Kitten.