idontreallyspar: (Grace Bar)
[personal profile] idontreallyspar
If I could change history...I’d have been there instead of her.

The day my wife died...she was in the wrong place at the wrong time, a place *I* should have been in instead. I should have been there...been *with* her. But I wasn’t...and I lost the first good thing I’d had since my childhood as a result.

The stuff that happened before the Agency...I don’t talk about it. I can’t. But my wife was the one bright spot I had...quite possibly the *only* bright spot I had. If I’d been there, I’d have been dead...I know that. And in spite of everything...my life now, and even Rachel...

She was an innocent. A complete innocent...she didn’t choose the life I lead. She didn’t even know who I really am. She knew nothing, did nothing but good things...she drove me crazy and she was no saint, but in a crunch, she had the most ungodly ability to make the right choice no matter what. She did the right thing without even thinking when it came down to the nitty gritty of things...and she died for no reason.

I can kill without remorse, maim and torture without batting an eyelash...it’s part of my job. Innocent people do die in this business all the time, it’s a hazard.

But my wife’s death...that one innocent casualty...that’s one I’ll never be able to shake off my conscience completely.

Because she wasn’t a casualty of war...nothing was gained from her death. She had nothing but me to die for...and even with Korman dead, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying and failing to make sense of the whole fucked up thing.

Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 291
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idontreallyspar

August 2007

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