idontreallyspar: ([Hatch] Graceson)
[personal profile] idontreallyspar
Destiny…that’s kind of a thorny question. Do I believe that destiny ruined my life more than once? Maybe. Do I believe that it brought me to where I am? I don’t know. Do I believe that everything good in my life happened because of destiny? Not so much…in so many cases, anyway.

I know that’s a little dodgy, and more than slightly on the cynical side…I just believe that in this world? A lot of people have a seriously screwed up predilection towards blaming fate, destiny, and the great cosmic powers for messing things up for themselves. I’m *not* one of those people. When I screw up, I take responsibility for my actions, and when I succeed? I’m not about to step aside and let invisible forces take the credit. I earn my laurels, and I don’t believe there’s a single goddamn thing wrong with resting on them if I deserve it. On the other side of the same token, I willingly accept the consequences of my own mistakes, because sometimes you can fix mistakes.

Bottom line is I call a spade a spade…I don’t palm things off on other people, including destiny.

[locked from all those without WITSEC clearance]

Now if you want to get down to the nitty gritty…I *do* believe in destiny in one really massive respect, and it doesn’t even have much to do with my new identity, either.

Back in Jersey, I was heading down a pretty nasty path…I was a rotten kid. Got in with some local troublemakers and spiraled into drugs…dealing *and* using, but not heavily on the latter. I even flirted with organized crime…did a few favors for a local guy that had “family” ties, if you know what I mean.

Guy offered me a rather lucrative job around the same time I got chummy with a fella named Tyler Gordon. He was a uniform that hauled me in a few times at the local precinct…stuff I was suspected for, but no charges were ever brought. Anyway, guy wasn’t much more than about six years older than me, and he talked up the department enough that I got interested.

Anyone else, I would have ignored…but Gordon was a local boy, knew my life and neighborhood. He talked to me like a person, and not a con. If our paths had never crossed…God only knows where I’d be.

To this day, I don’t *completely* believe I deserve the second chance I got…and I didn’t back then. It wasn’t easy, getting out of trouble and on the right track. My grades suffered, I had a few nasty run ins, and ditching the drugs wasn’t easy…I wasn’t heavy into anything stronger than pot, booze, and nicotine, but I snorted a couple lines at a party or two, and tried heroin once…didn’t like it.

But by the time I got accepted to the Academy, I was clean and sober, and middle of my class…for me, that was as good as valedictorian. I held down a steady job to help with the Academy and whatnot, my girlfriend and I were doing great…I had this whole fresh start, and I was scared to death of sabotaging it.

For years, I wondered if the explosion I was in was some kind of divine retribution, but I got over it. Then after a while, I realized that the folks back home weren’t the only ones giving me a fresh start.

My friends and family helped me clean up my act…and the CIA gave me my real new beginning.

I believe it was my destiny to make a better life for myself, and my new identity was proof of that. I believe the good choices I made were, in their own way rewarded…and that the losses I suffered were a necessary sacrifice to help me stay on track. My family’s safe back home, and I’ve resolved a lot of stuff in my own head and my life…including my shoddy history with relationships.

Which, I might add, is coming to an end in the *very* near future.

[locked from Rachel]

Because I have the right ring…all I need is the right moment.

[/locked]


Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 688
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

idontreallyspar: (Default)
idontreallyspar

August 2007

S M T W T F S
   1234
567 891011
12131415161718
19 202122232425
262728293031 

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 22nd, 2017 06:35 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios