idontreallyspar: (Tom Groovin)
[personal profile] idontreallyspar
[locked from Rachel and all those without WITSEC security clearance]

My greatest triumph came pretty recently when I was going through some old stuff of mine at home. Rachel was there, but she didn’t see what I did...or rather, what I pulled out.

My mom used to love telling the story about how my dad proposed to her...they got stranded one night going to meet her parents for the first time, holed up from a storm in his car while they waited for the Auto Club. Dad had some cigars in his glove compartment...and he got it into his head to propose so he did. Used one of the paper bands from the cigar for a ring, and when she finally got him to meet her folks, she introduced him as her fiancee.

He bought her a real engagement ring later, but she saved that original cigar band...for their fifth anniversary, Dad had that thing dipped in gold and done in cloisonne, painted and everything so she could actually wear it without it falling apart. When I turned eighteen, she gave me that ring...told me if I ever found a girl that could wear it, I’d know I found my soulmate.

I almost gave that ring to my wife when I proposed to her, but I changed my mind at the last minute.

It’s been locked away with all the other stuff from my life in New Jersey ever since then...I never even looked at it for years.

The night I told Rachel the truth about myself, I snuck out of bed when she was asleep and I pulled that ring out of my old foot locker...still there, and still intact.

And I’m grateful that Rachel sleeps like the unconscious dead, because holding that ring again, I couldn’t resist the temptation. Call me an idiot, but I just couldn’t resist.

The ring fit her it was made for her instead of my mom.

I took it off, put it away, and I went back to bed...and from that moment on, I was feeling pretty damn good about a lot of things. I still am...and I know what you’re all thinking. No, I didn’t propose to her, and I haven’t. I want to, and I will when we’re both ready.

And that’s my greatest triumph...moving on. I found a girl I want to marry. Eventually. I’ve been afraid of that for so long...of loving someone, getting them killed just because I care, but Rachel’s different. Everything’s different now...being with her is dangerous, but that also makes her safe. We’re both knee-deep in the risks of our job, and so we can turn to each other.

My greatest triumph was conquering my fear of sharing my life again.


Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 470
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August 2007

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