idontreallyspar: (Grace Hat)
[personal profile] idontreallyspar
[locked from all those without APO security clearance]

When I was a kid I used to have this dream I was being chased. Running through the streets of my hometown, there’d be something on my tail. I could never look back to see it...to be sure...the fear of whatever was stalking me was just too paralyzing, too intense. I could just...feel it behind me. A splash of a footfall against wet pavement, a soft gasp of air from my back...it was all I had to know that I was running from something, and I was sure that if it caught me, I’d be worse than dead.

I started having that dream when I was really little...six years old, maybe. Always scared the shit out of me, because I didn’t know what was after me. I stopped having the dream, of course...but life goes on, shit happens, and you think about things. You evaluate your life, and you wonder if you could have done things different, the usual bullshit.

You look back at things you saw and heard...things you did...and you wonder if you could have avoided things by paying a bit more attention.

I sometimes find myself wondering if that dream wasn’t some kind of foreshadowing...if things would have been different if I’d listened, avoided certain things.

I used to have regrets, thinking stuff like that...until I started working my latest assignment here at APO. Being here...meeting people like Rachel Gibson...*especially* Rachel Gibson...it’s done a lot to change my thinking. I always believed somewhere deep down that if I stopped mourning the past, I’d forget it...I’d be turning my back on who I was...who I used to be.

Rachel made me realize I was wrong...it’s ‘cause of her I’m still here, and it’s ‘cause of her I realize that there’s nothing wrong with turning away from the past. It just means you’re looking in another direction. If you’re smart, you’re looking to the future...and if you’re lucky, you’re looking around at the present because it’s something worth paying attention to.

The future’s all well and good...but with Rachel here, I think the here and now is a little more appealing.

[/locked]

Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 368

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idontreallyspar

August 2007

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