idontreallyspar: (Tom Groovin)
[personal profile] idontreallyspar
[WITSEC clearance required]

My life is all about borrowed time. I’ve been living on it since I was twenty one, and I’m living on it now thanks to a bomb and a plane crash. I understand full well the nature of risks...what it is to take one, what it can mean to a man...what drives a person to take the really big jumps off that proverbial cliff.

I almost died in a massive explosion just when I turned legal to drink. Definitely gave me a little when I had a chance to do some real good by helping the authorities? I took spite of what I’d lose. I knew I was saving my family from getting killed, and I made it mean something in the long run. I knew I had to risk my own heart if I ever wanted to get past what had happened to me...if I wanted those losses to be, ultimately, worth it.

So I followed my heart, let the healing begin, and all that self-help crap...and ended up with the CIA. Fell in my wife killed. Took more risks in the field, deep cover assignments on my own that lasted for months on end. Didn’t get too close, didn’t let myself trust much of anyone.

Took another risk when a suit came to me and offered me a black ops position within the Agency.

Working with APO was, in my book, a risk. I got complacent, relying on the team...I got soft, getting sweet on Rachel. But when I thought about how I could have lost her when Sark got his hands on her and Marshall...

I was ready to take another risk, I just didn’t get the chance to do it until we found that bomb in the subway. That’s when Rachel extended my new lease on life...which, for the record, she still doesn’t let me live down.

[locked from Rachel]

The bigger threat of death led me to the biggest risk I ever took...and that was falling for Rachel. Letting myself care, letting myself be that vulnerable again...but the one thing I never expected from loving her was to be stronger. Untouchable. Falling in love with her, marrying gave me back things I lost when I left home the first time. That sense of promise, that the future was more than waking up the next morning and still being alive...with her, I have a life uncompromised: no limits, no secrets, no risks we’re not willing and able to take together.

And now that we’ve both survived this that I have her back? I’ve got that itch take a risk, take my chances and see what kind of good luck I can make for myself.

I don’t know if we’ll ever be rescued, so it’s a hell of a thing to think about right now...but it started gnawing at me a while back, and now it won’t leave me alone.

It hasn’t since Boone died...since Claire had her baby.

When she’s feeling better...when she’s healthy, and the time is right, I want to talk to Rachel about us having kids.


Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 539
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August 2007

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