idontreallyspar: ([APO] Dark mood)
[personal profile] idontreallyspar
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I went to see my parents once...not face to face, mind you. It was at my grave...my fake one. It was on the first anniversary of my death...I’d been going through a rough time of it, and I just...wanted to see them.

It was one of the most painful things I’ve ever done. They had...aged. Like a decade in just twelve months...mom just sat beside my headstone with her shoulders shaking, like she was sobbing without any tears or voice. Dad’s hands were trembling when he put a bouquet of flowers down on my headstone...my dad, the strongest man I’ve ever known, and his hands were trembling like an old man’s.

I’ve seen what happens to the ones you leave behind...and that firsthand knowledge still haunts me. So I’m not gonna be buried at all. I’ve already got the provisions laid out in my will: when my time comes, I’m gonna be cremated and have my ashes scattered...I won’t give my loved ones, however few I may have, a place to mourn me.

Now maybe it’s kind of morbid, going in-depth with this shit, but with what I do? Death is always jsut around the bend. It’s a constant companion, and something I gotta consider. And if I *do* bite the big one? I figure my final wishes could, in some way, sorta set the people in my life free from a lifetime of grieving. I mean...with no grave, there’s no sign of my death. The only place I’ll live on is in their memories.

And to me? That’s ten times better than the fanciest freaking gravesite.

[/locked]

Muse: Thomas Grace
Fandom: ALIAS
Words: 282
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idontreallyspar

August 2007

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